Sarah Chen Memory Gate Journal

 「陈淑桦记忆的门」期刊

June 1，2025 issue             Current Issue 最新期

“知之愈多，理解愈少”——这句话用在我对陈淑桦的理解上，再贴切不过。她的歌唱风格飘忽难捉，每次重听她的作品，总有新的领会。她的外型也变化莫测，许多照片仿佛来自完全不同的人。而我在对她做了诸多写作后，原以为已经理解她，例如她为何退出歌坛，却在剪辑和采访中发现漏洞。我并不理解她，总是比她慢一步，我达到的意境没有她的深度。

令我费解的不是陈淑桦的离坛，而是她面对各个渠道恶意攻击却保持的沉默。她既然塑造了美丽的音乐形象，为何却从不试图维护它？尽管她有一批忠实的歌迷，但在网络上她受到不少攻击。这些攻击延续了长期以来压制女人的惯用手段：物化、妖魔化、将她们幼龄化，或者描绘她们为失智或情绪不稳。由于当年的真实报道已难以获取，这些诽议便蔓延在陈淑桦的在线搜索里。

我不理解的是，像陈淑桦这样坚强又独立的人，为什么职业中不为自己辩护、不反击转型论？离坛后为什么不抗拒媒体对她的扭曲、不回应那封伤人的信？或许她信奉“身正不怕影子斜”，坚信真相终会战胜谎言；或许她真的相信上天是公平的，坦然接受命运的安排。

或者她知道反击只会越抹越黑。毕竟，她过去两次回击都适得其反：1985年为澄清感情传闻，却因此失去恋人；2003年她出面澄清谣言，却收了那封令人寒心的信。她比我更明白：在一个不公的体制下，没有道理可讲。

我最近看到田定丰2015年在 YouTube 上的一段采访，回忆陈淑桦退隐后田定丰与她的某次会面。那时的陈淑桦已皈依佛教，并投身慈济。田定丰花了70块钱为她买了一杯饮料。一向节俭的她问：“你不觉得这太贵了吗"？田定丰安慰她说那只是普通饮料的一贯价钱。后来他们一同去寺庙，在匿名捐赠箱里，陈淑桦却把随身的钱全数捐出。田定丰说她是慈济的长期匿名捐款人。“她对自己自律，但对别人很宽”。

三十年在歌坛奋战，然后是三十年与世无争。有几个人能达到陈淑桦的意境？她不仅找到内心的平静，选择了宽恕——她还选择了爱，爱所有需要帮助的人，包括那些靠攻击她来成就自己的人。她不在乎别人说她依赖母亲，因为她深爱她的母亲。也不为别的谣言所动，哪怕是说她乞讨的谎言——因为她怜悯贫苦的人。

她曾花了三十年将守护神招到歌中。而最终，陈淑桦走向守护神之路：不受阴暗侵扰，为寻求帮助的人照亮前方。

"The more one learns, the less one understands," such is the case with my knowledge of Sarah Chen. A singer with an elusive vocal style, her songs reveal new layers of sophistication with each re-listening. She was equally elusive in appearance: her many photos might as well have come from different individuals. And just as I thought I had understood her choices, like why she quit so resolutely, magazine clippings and past interviews contradicted my assumptions.

Perhaps the most puzzling thing about Sarah Chen is her complete lack of engagement with unfavorable, even vicious, attacks on her reputation. For a singer who spent much of her career nurturing a positive musical image, it is striking that she made no effort to preserve it. Although Chen continues to have a loyal fanbase, online accounts have descended into vilification. These attacks mirror long-standing tactics used to suppress women: objectifying them, demonizing them, infantilizing them, and portraying them as unstable or lost their wit. Because older, more truthful accounts from the pre-internet era are inaccessible, these attacks have run unchecked, filling up the search results on Chen.

I often wonder why, as stubborn and independent as she is, Sarah Chen didn't fight back against the damaging “transformation” narrative, the unfair attribution of her success to male colleagues, and the later vilification. Perhaps she adheres to the old Chinese saying, “An upright person has no fear of a slanted shadow,” believing that truth will triumph over falsehood. Or perhaps she truly believes that Heaven is fair, accepting what has come her way.

Then I remembered the backlash she received when she did speak up: countering rumors about her romantic life around 1985 only led to a breakup, and dispelling post-retirement rumors in 2003 resulted in the hurtful “Letter to Sarah.” Chen knew better than I: in a fundamentally unjust system, reasoning plays no role.

Until I saw a 2015 YouTube segment in which a former acquaintance, Tian D.F., recounted a meeting long after her retirement. By then, Chen had turned to Buddhism and philanthropy. He bought her a beverage for 70 TWD. Known for living a frugal life, Chen asked, “Don’t you think that’s too much?” Tian assured her that it was an ordinary drink. Later, they visited a temple. At an anonymous donation box, Chen gave away all her money, magnitudes more than the drink she thought was too expensive. Noting that Chen was a long-time anonymous donor of humanitarian causes, Tian said, “she’s very disciplined with herself, but generous with others.”

Then it occurred to me why Chen never fought back. Peaceful with herself, Chen didn’t just give forgiveness - she found love for all who need it, including those who enrich themselves by attacking her. It is not an injury to be described as dependent on her mom, for Chen loves her mother; nor an insult to be portrayed as a beggar, for Chen sympathizes with the poor.

The one who spent decades conjuring patronuses for her fans, Sarah Chen had become a patronus herself: untouchable by dark forces, shining for those in need.